Ara and I went bargain hunting in Cubao today, we spent about five hours going around Farmer's, SM, and Ali Mall, and all we got were a pair of shades each, plus a jacket for her. There were quite a number of cute tops but I just didn't have the moolah. Boo-hoo. Plus Seventeen and Converse were on sale! Dang. I saw the Chucks I've wanted since forever, 10% off lang though. Where in the world will I get the money?!?! Hay. I was telling Ara about my barista plans, but with all the org stuff I got into, I don't think I'll have time for a part-time job anymore. Maybe during the second sem, I can try it out, at least there will be continuity after. More time to think about it. Hmmm. After all the window shopping, we had dinner at the Gateway food court, and we made a big mistake of choosing Steak Escape. Terrible service. Our food was undercooked, so we had them done again, and when we got it, overcooked naman. With all that bitter aftertaste. Well at least now we know where NOT to eat, especially if we're really hungry after a lot of walking and fitting and talking!
Minus the food, I had a lot of fun mall-hopping! It certainly was a great way to "escape" from all the issues, and immerse myself in the much-needed therapy of shopping and girl talk. :)
What issues? I can't even describe them explicitly if I were asked to. Maybe it's just the way I see things, or that I don't feel content, I keep on thinking that there's always something missing. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. One day I can be really happy, filled with all that proactive, positive feeling, and on another I can be sluggish, sad, overly sensitive. Was there ever a time when I felt just fine, not yearning or wanting anything more? Can't recall. Well a few months back maybe, yes, I do remember even writing an entry or two about it. But now, I feel like there's always something holding me back from being content and happy with how things are. It seems like there is some space I want to fill, some need I just can't attend to because I don't even know what it is.
While having breakfast at McDo yesterday, I saw two kids on another table, a boy who was about 12, in soccer gear, chatting with his younger sister of about 8. I remembered Paolo and Sam instantly, and how I missed them. Paolo loves soccer, and he's always very protective of Sam, a true Kuya - always taking care of her, talking to her, playing with her, despite their constant bickering. Another instance that made me miss my sibs was while waiting for T.Jen two days ago in Glorietta. I heard the song Geli and I used to make fun of all the time, and how I missed her too. I called them last night and talked to all three of them but afterwards, the "need" was still there. And I talk to them almost everyday so I doubt it's my homesick virus.
The last thing I'd want this to be is something related to B. He sent me a message yesterday, a canned one. Right. What am I gonna do with that? I don't know why this is affecting me so much. I was telling Yet that it was somehow different with the previous and it's freaky how I talk to Him about it all the time, everyday, without fail. I never did this before. And Carl sent me such a timely message this morning:
"Be patient when God doesn't give you what you want. He knows the best time for you to have it. Just remember that you can have it all but you just can't have it all at once."
Perfecto eh? But still I just want to know why. I think I do, but again, these are all my theories. Maybe it's not him. Maybe it's something as mundane as PMS.
And so he says. Enjoy this life.
==
"He's a maze of curiosity..Can I keep him in my galaxy? Can I keep him in my fantasy?"
- from When He's Not Around by The Corrs
"Reality could never match the fantasy. That was always the problem, and it was just a question of stopping the fantasy."
- Cath, Bookends
"The world is spinning, and I'm still living, it won't be right if we're not in it together."
- from Over by Lindsay Lohan
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
'nuff said.
"The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time."
-Dave Matthews Band
top 5
TOP 5 frequently visited sites
1. http://mail.yahoo.com
2. http://doodlesmat.blogspot.com
3. www.blogger.com
4. www.friendster.com
5. www.gmail.com
TOP 5 favorite songs
1. Sunday Morning by Maroon 5
2. Tattooed On My Mind by D'Sound
3. Everybody Hurts by REM
4. The Scientist by Coldplay
5. Waiting in Vain by Annie Lennox
TOP 5 food
1. french fries from McDo
2. Mom's chicken with cream style corn
3. buffalo wings from Don Hen
4. CPK's grilled chicken bbq salad
5. Yaya Naty's dry adobo
TOP 5 drinks
1. WATER! :)
2. Sangria ;p
3. orange juice
4. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's Chai Latte
5. Strawberries and Cream frap from Starbucks!
TOP 5 snacks
1. Mr. Chips
2. Yellow Cab NY's Finest
3. Mom's grilled cheese
4. Razon's Halo-Halo
5. isaw!
TOP 5 indoor activities
1. nothing beats SLEEPING on a rainy day! :)
2. blogging
3. watching tv with nothing else to worry about
4. listening to good music and just staring into space
5. EATING :)
TOP 5 outdoor activities
1. just lounging at the beach!
2. watching movies
3. food trips
4. road trips, just driving around relaxes me :)
5. SHOPPING!
TOP 5 accessories you own
1. silver hoop earrings
2. butterly brooch from T. Des
3. bronze bangle
4. St. Therese pendant from Mama T.
5. pearl earrings
TOP 5 major expenses
1. food
2. trike fare
3. cellphone bill
4. clothes
5. school stuff
TOP 5 movies you like
1. Love Actually
2. I Am Sam
3. Now and Then
4. Under The Tuscan Sun
5. Beauty and the Beast! :)
TOP 5 people you miss
1. Fam - Dad, Mom, Geli, Paolo and Sam
2. Mama T.
3. Tamo
4. seekers!
5. B.
1. http://mail.yahoo.com
2. http://doodlesmat.blogspot.com
3. www.blogger.com
4. www.friendster.com
5. www.gmail.com
TOP 5 favorite songs
1. Sunday Morning by Maroon 5
2. Tattooed On My Mind by D'Sound
3. Everybody Hurts by REM
4. The Scientist by Coldplay
5. Waiting in Vain by Annie Lennox
TOP 5 food
1. french fries from McDo
2. Mom's chicken with cream style corn
3. buffalo wings from Don Hen
4. CPK's grilled chicken bbq salad
5. Yaya Naty's dry adobo
TOP 5 drinks
1. WATER! :)
2. Sangria ;p
3. orange juice
4. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's Chai Latte
5. Strawberries and Cream frap from Starbucks!
TOP 5 snacks
1. Mr. Chips
2. Yellow Cab NY's Finest
3. Mom's grilled cheese
4. Razon's Halo-Halo
5. isaw!
TOP 5 indoor activities
1. nothing beats SLEEPING on a rainy day! :)
2. blogging
3. watching tv with nothing else to worry about
4. listening to good music and just staring into space
5. EATING :)
TOP 5 outdoor activities
1. just lounging at the beach!
2. watching movies
3. food trips
4. road trips, just driving around relaxes me :)
5. SHOPPING!
TOP 5 accessories you own
1. silver hoop earrings
2. butterly brooch from T. Des
3. bronze bangle
4. St. Therese pendant from Mama T.
5. pearl earrings
TOP 5 major expenses
1. food
2. trike fare
3. cellphone bill
4. clothes
5. school stuff
TOP 5 movies you like
1. Love Actually
2. I Am Sam
3. Now and Then
4. Under The Tuscan Sun
5. Beauty and the Beast! :)
TOP 5 people you miss
1. Fam - Dad, Mom, Geli, Paolo and Sam
2. Mama T.
3. Tamo
4. seekers!
5. B.
coffee break and all that bossanova
After the rehearsal dinner last night, coffee break was full, as EZ and I told T. Des about our newfound escape. Haha. Along with a few lights which I'm sure will be frequent companions, we were able to talk and share what we think about everything that's been happening - the wedding (TOMORROW!), the college life EZ is about to start and I am about to end, and why boys get threatened when girls show some interest. Gah. I can never understand that. I hope we have more coffee breaks soon, especially when EZ moves in a month from now.
Going back to the boys and girls issue, it is really just beyond me. Yet said that me being far is clearly something he doesn't like. So he thinks I am okay with it? And him acting the way he is now is just not helping. He's been such an ass lately, again in his pretentious state of us being on a purely platonic level. Maybe to him it's easier this way because then there would be no expectations whatsoever. But still the whole waiting and wanting and wishing just isn't very pleasing. They say nothing beats anticipation. For how long? If I get accepted for Aegis, I don't think I'd be able to go home for sembreak, which means I won't be seeing him for another nine months. Hay labo talaga. Maybe what he's doing will work for me too. Till December then.
Going back to the boys and girls issue, it is really just beyond me. Yet said that me being far is clearly something he doesn't like. So he thinks I am okay with it? And him acting the way he is now is just not helping. He's been such an ass lately, again in his pretentious state of us being on a purely platonic level. Maybe to him it's easier this way because then there would be no expectations whatsoever. But still the whole waiting and wanting and wishing just isn't very pleasing. They say nothing beats anticipation. For how long? If I get accepted for Aegis, I don't think I'd be able to go home for sembreak, which means I won't be seeing him for another nine months. Hay labo talaga. Maybe what he's doing will work for me too. Till December then.
Monday, April 18, 2005
life
*from one of those chicken soup for the teenage soul installments
LIFE isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which girl or guy likes you. It's not about your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about your grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
LIFE just isn't about that.
But LIFE is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.
These choices are what LIFE is about.
LIFE isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which girl or guy likes you. It's not about your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about your grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
LIFE just isn't about that.
But LIFE is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.
These choices are what LIFE is about.
Monday, April 11, 2005
clouds of change
Feels good to be back, both in Manila and in blogworld. Had a wonderful time with my friends earlier, missed them a whole lot! We pigged out as usual, then started a Full House marathon at Yda's place. We're hooked! ;p
So much has happened during my summer break in CDO - my LAST summer, to be more precise. I had a blast with my siblings. Geli and I are a lot closer now, maybe because she's older and we now share a passion for music. Paolo's been talking to me more often than ever before, and I think that's a good thing. He even offered to treat me last night. And Sam - I don't have to elaborate. I miss them already.
It was an eventful yet different vacation, and as Twin always says, it could be a "different best." We spent Easter alone (no huge clan this time), shortened our Visita Iglesia, did WOTC at home, experienced death in the family and all the harsh realities that come with it, finally sold our old car and got a much better one, learned how to drive (it was automatic but at least i tried! ;p), had my first (take note, OFFICIAL ;p) date with someone I actually like, which led me to allow myself to be swept off my feet, also synonymous to giving myself permission to be hurt. But let's not go there right now. On the whole, it was a fabulous summer in CDO. :)
--
Ok, maybe just a prelude.
Sometimes he's there, sometimes he isn't. And I have no idea why. Well I have my own theories but they're only there to supply me with the logic I need, for me to be convinced that there are reasons for everything. And perhaps, for me to realize that some things are just beyond me. Maybe I should just "go with the flow." How do you do that? It's such an overused statement but we don't really know what it means. So what is going with the flow?
I'm confused, scared, happy, giddy. What is this?
So much has happened during my summer break in CDO - my LAST summer, to be more precise. I had a blast with my siblings. Geli and I are a lot closer now, maybe because she's older and we now share a passion for music. Paolo's been talking to me more often than ever before, and I think that's a good thing. He even offered to treat me last night. And Sam - I don't have to elaborate. I miss them already.
It was an eventful yet different vacation, and as Twin always says, it could be a "different best." We spent Easter alone (no huge clan this time), shortened our Visita Iglesia, did WOTC at home, experienced death in the family and all the harsh realities that come with it, finally sold our old car and got a much better one, learned how to drive (it was automatic but at least i tried! ;p), had my first (take note, OFFICIAL ;p) date with someone I actually like, which led me to allow myself to be swept off my feet, also synonymous to giving myself permission to be hurt. But let's not go there right now. On the whole, it was a fabulous summer in CDO. :)
--
Ok, maybe just a prelude.
Sometimes he's there, sometimes he isn't. And I have no idea why. Well I have my own theories but they're only there to supply me with the logic I need, for me to be convinced that there are reasons for everything. And perhaps, for me to realize that some things are just beyond me. Maybe I should just "go with the flow." How do you do that? It's such an overused statement but we don't really know what it means. So what is going with the flow?
I'm confused, scared, happy, giddy. What is this?
Suntok Sa Buwan by Session Road
Hindi mo ba alam
Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan
Makasama kay suntok sa buwan
'Di mo nga alam
Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan
Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan
Hindi ko 'to gusto
Pero 'wag kang lalayo
Itanong mo sa akin
At tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin
'Di mo napapansin
Kailangan mo akong dinggin
'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin
Ito'y aking hiling
At sana naman ay tanggapin
Ng puso ko'y 'di nabibitin
Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan
Makasama kay suntok sa buwan
'Di mo nga alam
Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan
Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan
Hindi ko 'to gusto
Pero 'wag kang lalayo
Itanong mo sa akin
At tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin
'Di mo napapansin
Kailangan mo akong dinggin
'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin
Ito'y aking hiling
At sana naman ay tanggapin
Ng puso ko'y 'di nabibitin
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