wake up

Wake up, wake up on a Saturday night.

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"To the beat of my heart."
- Beat of My Heart, Hilary Duff

little charms

Definitely a better day. I love my lunchmates. It's such a breath of fresh air to talk about a million other things apart from work. Today we talked about provinces we'd love to visit, streams we used to swim in, fiestas in the barrio. These conversations make me feel more human and still in touch with reality, not someone consumed by her work.

Jing told me the other day that for a time, while I was still with Sourcing, I morphed into "one of them". I became "Queen of Sarcasm", as she puts it. That really disturbed me, but she says I'm back to my old self now. Yes, I'm glad that I've managed to bring myself back, but I feel scared for those who've changed, those who've allowed their work to control them. It's just sad that the team's very different now.

On to more exciting things...Star lent me this book, "The Time Traveler's Wife", seems very interesting. :) Also, finally had time to inquire about the creative writing classes. I'm still waiting for the reply though. Hope it fits in my sched so I can already get this dream going! *fingers and toes crossed*

Good times, good times. Good vibes, good vibes. :)

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"The best reason to take your time is that this time is the ONLY TIME you'll ever have...To make the most out of this new world, to avoid feeling overbooked, overstretched, and about to snap, to make modern life become better than life has ever been, a person must learn how to do what matters most first. Otherwise, you will bulldoze over life's best moments. You won't notice the little charms that adorn each day, nor will you ever transform the mundane into the extraordinary."
- Crazybuzy, Edward Hallowell

let's skip today

I will be happier tomorrow. :)

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"What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful."
- Dalai Lama

walking along

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They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know you better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race is great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.

hmmm.

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"It's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It's funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it."

puffy eyes

Stuck at home with uber puffy eyes. Thanks to you Advil.

This sounds really weird but I'd rather be at work! (So not me!) See how much I love my new team? :D

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"You make yourself happy by being a good person. Happiness is contagious."
- Anonymous