It's been over two years since my last post, and so much has changed since then. I did a year of #365grateful posts, I moved countries, I fulfilled the truest sense of independence, I grew up.

There is a lot I want to look back on for 2015, and a lot more I want to commit to for 2016. Writing it down probably makes it more real rather than keeping it all in my head as a mental post-it note. The big 3-0 is a month away - what will make it memorable?

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"It's a big girl world now, full of big girl things."

- Scratch, Kendall Payne

vulnerabilty

Sharing one of my favorite TED talks which perfectly hits home. It talks about shame and fear and the common themes we dodge on a daily basis because we don't want to feel uncomfortable. Choosing this state will only make us feel unproductive, resentful, depressed. The people on the other spectrum - the happy bunch - are those who have the courage to accept that they are imperfect, and are able to treat themselves with kindness. This definitely strikes a chord and makes me realize how I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Time to lighten up and live a little!

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"Because when we work from a place that says 'I'm enough', then we stop screaming and start listening. We're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves." 
- Brene Brown

Tonight I Write

When I started in my new job, I rediscovered me time and how crucial it was. Wouldn't say it came by accident, it was the need to change my routine that got me there. I used to have coffee every morning with my friends before I moved. The first few weeks were tough, I wasn't used to the silence between me and my cup. As the months passed, I found myself enjoying these rare moments of peace, starting the day with introspection and pep talks to myself. I eventually made good use of the time by going back to writing. I realized I was in a vocabulary slump when I couldn't move forward with ease, when I had to stop every so often to think of the most apt word to describe what I wanted to say. This was unnerving so I decided I had to go back to reading, and spend less time with social media. It requires a lot of conscious effort and discipline, but I'm getting there. (Yes, it is ironic that I am blogging now.)

Last week, my colleague asked me what was one job I really wanted to do, that when I did it, it wouldn't feel like work at all. Took me a while to answer, which made me a bit sad how I couldn't even remember anymore. Travel writing. That's always been the dream. It marries my 2 great loves - what could be better than that? And I realized I'm not getting any younger. So baby steps, yes? Back to hitting the books, revisiting the journals, and starting a project through a new blog. Thoughts?

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"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."
- Ernest Hemingway

never too late

Yes, that's the plan.

independence day

Here goes tradition -

Freedom from unnecessary and useless worry. From falling out of the bright side and missing the moment. From lost love, indifference, and settling for mediocrity. Freedom from second guessing, people who say one thing but mean another, stressing too much on weight gain. Freedom from missed chances, rollercoaster emotions, and expensive airline tickets for a weekend at home. That's Independence Day for Popi.

wins

Today was a day of answered prayers. Major progress at work, interesting conversations, free meals, catching the last train. Big wins or small wins - let's say thanks and celebrate these moments :)

first/last

This may be my most personal entry just yet. It won't be the last, but it will be the last about you. It's such a liberating feeling, and I am grateful for the strength to go through it all. The past few weeks have been about rediscovering. It's overwhelming and exciting - exploring new things, revisiting those forgotten. Forming new memories, creating new experiences in places that I can call my own. Moving in new circles, freeing myself from anything and everything that reminds me of you, of us. For a time there, I knew it was real. I felt your sincerity and I know you tried. But we can't choose the people we love so I won't hate you for it, if you never really got there. I'm not fuming mad, just partly broken. I think that's a good thing, because it gives me a chance to see the world with fresh eyes, as I try to move on and put that part of myself back together. People were surprised that I'm not devastated, moping and lifeless. Probably because I lost it already, and indifference started to take over. But I feel better now, and I haven't felt this way in a long time. You pushed me to the limit, and I tried to defy as much as I could. I am also to blame because I allowed you to do this to me, but in hindsight, it was something I had to go through, perhaps to realize what I am capable of. I guess I should even say thank you, because I know better now. This whole experience has taught me a lot, but most importantly, it made realize that I should always leave some for myself.