to Be or not to Be

Ara and I went bargain hunting in Cubao today, we spent about five hours going around Farmer's, SM, and Ali Mall, and all we got were a pair of shades each, plus a jacket for her. There were quite a number of cute tops but I just didn't have the moolah. Boo-hoo. Plus Seventeen and Converse were on sale! Dang. I saw the Chucks I've wanted since forever, 10% off lang though. Where in the world will I get the money?!?! Hay. I was telling Ara about my barista plans, but with all the org stuff I got into, I don't think I'll have time for a part-time job anymore. Maybe during the second sem, I can try it out, at least there will be continuity after. More time to think about it. Hmmm. After all the window shopping, we had dinner at the Gateway food court, and we made a big mistake of choosing Steak Escape. Terrible service. Our food was undercooked, so we had them done again, and when we got it, overcooked naman. With all that bitter aftertaste. Well at least now we know where NOT to eat, especially if we're really hungry after a lot of walking and fitting and talking!
Minus the food, I had a lot of fun mall-hopping! It certainly was a great way to "escape" from all the issues, and immerse myself in the much-needed therapy of shopping and girl talk. :)

What issues? I can't even describe them explicitly if I were asked to. Maybe it's just the way I see things, or that I don't feel content, I keep on thinking that there's always something missing. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. One day I can be really happy, filled with all that proactive, positive feeling, and on another I can be sluggish, sad, overly sensitive. Was there ever a time when I felt just fine, not yearning or wanting anything more? Can't recall. Well a few months back maybe, yes, I do remember even writing an entry or two about it. But now, I feel like there's always something holding me back from being content and happy with how things are. It seems like there is some space I want to fill, some need I just can't attend to because I don't even know what it is.
While having breakfast at McDo yesterday, I saw two kids on another table, a boy who was about 12, in soccer gear, chatting with his younger sister of about 8. I remembered Paolo and Sam instantly, and how I missed them. Paolo loves soccer, and he's always very protective of Sam, a true Kuya - always taking care of her, talking to her, playing with her, despite their constant bickering. Another instance that made me miss my sibs was while waiting for T.Jen two days ago in Glorietta. I heard the song Geli and I used to make fun of all the time, and how I missed her too. I called them last night and talked to all three of them but afterwards, the "need" was still there. And I talk to them almost everyday so I doubt it's my homesick virus.
The last thing I'd want this to be is something related to B. He sent me a message yesterday, a canned one. Right. What am I gonna do with that? I don't know why this is affecting me so much. I was telling Yet that it was somehow different with the previous and it's freaky how I talk to Him about it all the time, everyday, without fail. I never did this before. And Carl sent me such a timely message this morning:

"Be patient when God doesn't give you what you want. He knows the best time for you to have it. Just remember that you can have it all but you just can't have it all at once."

Perfecto eh? But still I just want to know why. I think I do, but again, these are all my theories. Maybe it's not him. Maybe it's something as mundane as PMS.
And so he says. Enjoy this life.

==
"He's a maze of curiosity..Can I keep him in my galaxy? Can I keep him in my fantasy?"
- from When He's Not Around by The Corrs

"Reality could never match the fantasy. That was always the problem, and it was just a question of stopping the fantasy."
- Cath, Bookends

"The world is spinning, and I'm still living, it won't be right if we're not in it together."
- from Over by Lindsay Lohan