first/last

This may be my most personal entry just yet. It won't be the last, but it will be the last about you. It's such a liberating feeling, and I am grateful for the strength to go through it all. The past few weeks have been about rediscovering. It's overwhelming and exciting - exploring new things, revisiting those forgotten. Forming new memories, creating new experiences in places that I can call my own. Moving in new circles, freeing myself from anything and everything that reminds me of you, of us. For a time there, I knew it was real. I felt your sincerity and I know you tried. But we can't choose the people we love so I won't hate you for it, if you never really got there. I'm not fuming mad, just partly broken. I think that's a good thing, because it gives me a chance to see the world with fresh eyes, as I try to move on and put that part of myself back together. People were surprised that I'm not devastated, moping and lifeless. Probably because I lost it already, and indifference started to take over. But I feel better now, and I haven't felt this way in a long time. You pushed me to the limit, and I tried to defy as much as I could. I am also to blame because I allowed you to do this to me, but in hindsight, it was something I had to go through, perhaps to realize what I am capable of. I guess I should even say thank you, because I know better now. This whole experience has taught me a lot, but most importantly, it made realize that I should always leave some for myself.