choices

Met up with a good friend over coffee earlier tonight, she needed some S.O.S. on her current sitch. We've been friends since college, and she's one of the few I enjoy having meaningful conversations with. She has a very open mind, which is just great for such dialogues. Tonight's topic wasn't a far cry from one of our usual subjects, but a few minutes into the discussion, I realized how our opinions have changed through time. Sometimes I feel like college was just a few months ago, but on nights like this, it seems like a lifetime has already passed.

It turned out to be a very interesting conversation about love and learning, and how you find yourself to become so different when you're with this other person. How your choices can, at times, defy the standards you set for yourself. How common goals now become a major factor, even a non-negotiable. When before it used to be if you liked the same movies or the same bands, now it's if you share the same outlook in life. It's not just because he makes your heart skip a beat with a simple text message, but because you actually see something greater coming out of everything. I guess today's homily also struck a chord to this whole realization. The priest was talking about romantic love being more than all that temporary "kilig" stuff. It is about understanding, self-sacrificing, putting the other's best interest first. I always thought this was so cliche (along with the favorite Corinthians wedding passage) but then again, they don't call them cliches for nothing.

I also had the chance to have dinner with the X a few weeks back, and I was glad I said yes (with much hesitation). Reconnecting with him was a testament to how things happen for a reason. Finally moving on, realizing how different we really are and how much things have changed through the years. I guess it was a stepping stone, and everything else that came with it as training ground for bigger things to come.

It's easy to say I don't really care what other people think, because at the back of my mind, I know I somehow still do. But then again, I always take comfort in the fact that this is my life, my story. And I made this choice, even if I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park. At times I can't help but compare why it used to be so simple, so easy. Now, there are days when I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster that just decides to halt at the highest point. And it's not the most pleasant feeling. Yet on other days, it's the complete opposite. And this ridiculously happy state always makes me forget how the stupid rollercoaster ride feels.

It's never like how they depict it at the movies (how apt). But being a sucker for happy endings, I still believe that this choice will have its own ever after.

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"Boy you came around and you knocked me down."
- Knock Me Down, Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo