one of the many roller coasters

so much has happened in the past week, my CJ now being the release for such momentous events. as i was writing in the CJ last night, my hesitant feeling of pouring out everything was reaffirmed. i still can't write absolutely everything that's on my mind, knowing that someone will be reading my entries. so much for that stream-of-consciousness rule. be it blog or CJ, the sentiment is the same. and what makes me sad is that i don't get to write those private thoughts in my real journal anymore, because i'm always pressed for time. how can 24 hours fall short for all that i have to do? i know, it's more of being able to master time management, rather than blame my regrets on the unchangeable. i don't know if its pms, but everything around me just makes me feel like i'm in a rollercoaster ride every single day. from gratitude to annoyance, happiness to confusion, the changes are all too abrupt. and the Christmasy feel from the cd kynan made to the decorations plastered all over the house, the malls (everywhere i go!), makes me feel nostalgic nonetheless. but then again, i am always reminded by that short quote "If you want to be happy, be." similar to the philo discussion earlier on today, it's all about free will, self-possession, kakayahan ng tao makialam sa meron, dominus sui.

my responsibilities have been bringing me down lately, the confusion heightening by the minute. i'll just get past the Christmas project, and from there i'll set things straight. i get to decide, don't i? i owe a lot to Trisha, my BMO partner, coz without her, jeez, i just don't know how i'd survive all the pressure! thanks trisha :D i also owe a whole lot to my friends...thank GOD they're there - making my sky bright, shielding the heavy clouds from bursting, from pouring out what it has held in for so long. i know i will have to eventually, but with the great number of tasks i have to fulfill, doing so will just complicate everything all the more. i guess i'll have to endure this ordeal for the mean time. i can't believe something i used to love so much has become a burden to me now, i am even able to call it an ordeal. this situation has somehow become bearable because of the five people (fab 5! ;p) who just know how to make things better, consciously and unconsciously :) thanks guys :D to Ciara, Kynan, Queena, Shiela, and Yda...as i've said before, i would be literally and figuratively lost without you! love ya all! :D mwah! :)