what finals?

it doesn't seem like i have finals tomorrow, philo orals to be exact. i've been stalling since forever, and i don't think i studied enough for it. i was feeling nervous about it earlier this evening so i called kynan and asked how his orals went. i felt a whole lot better after he described how the dreaded 15-minute orals turned out to be somewhat just a casual talk with sir. he gave me tips like not to mention concepts i don't really understand, just stick to what i know, and not think about pressure at all..thanks kynan! :) i hope i can pull it off tomorrow..for some reason i always mess up during orals, hope everything turns out okay. i need that A! haha ;p

i promised myself i wouldn't go online today since i wasted so many hours yesterday, but here i am! i'm turning into a blogaholic already.. and before this, my procrastinating self couldn't wait for saturday (the replay) so i switched on the tv just in time for the new episode of SATC. again, what finals are you talking about?

now i'm wishing i scheduled my orals last monday so i would have had more time to study for CS and theo. i need A's for the finals! i know i'm being extra grade conscious already, but isn't everyone? seriously, i need to have good grades, it's all i can give back to my 'rents who have been working their backs off for me to be here. i know a great bulk of the monthly budget goes to me, and yet i don't do well enough. i was thinking about this earlier, while struggling to figure out how to explain Heidegger and Marcel for tomorrow. i feel like i'm not giving my best shot, i often let my lazy tendencies take over, and force myself to be satisfied with mediocre work. how worse can things get? sure, i've stayed up late for countless nights, especially for marketing and cs, but for the other requirements, what did i do? sleep through readings, breeze through material for quizzes, doze off into dreamland during lectures...jeez. now that i think about it, i feel so guilty. and to think that my 'rents agreed that i go home for the break even if i stay for just a week (yes, miraculously, they did). and they got me a new phone, even if it was way beyond our monthly allocations. with all that they've been doing for me, i have not even given back at least 1/4 of what they wanted. all they want are good grades, and what do i show them, mediocre work! it just feels so shitty. and i can't really do much anymore except do my best for the finals, which is only about 15-20 %. i hope things turn out for the better, i hope i won't have any C's to show them this time. Jess help me.

enough of the drama. on the lighter side, i am sooooooooooooo excited to go home!!!! :D mom agreed last night, all it took was a dramatic text message. kidding! but seriously, it feels different, i feel so much more excited since all along my mind was already set on me not going home for the break. i'll be there for only a week, but what the heck, at least i get to go home! :) God is really so good. :) i can't wait!!! :)

2 days till parlor day.
3 days till santayo's movie marathon.
5 days till evsem.
8 days and i'm back to where my heart is :)